Internet Dating for Women: Can It Work? Chapter 2

This is the second installment on Internet dating, excerpted from my book, "Let's talk....Man to Woman"
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A “Full Life”

A lot of women seem to think men are attracted to them if they talk about how full and busy their lives are: “I lead a full, busy life. I like to spend my free time with family and friends. I do volunteer work, ski, play tennis and golf. I also have a demanding career.” Okay, why would a man be interested in a woman who doesn’t have time for him? Enough said about that.

“Fishing”

Most dating sites want you to list a bunch of your favorite activities and I‘ve seen a lot of women list things like fishing, hunting, camping, watching sports, etc. Things men like to do. Do these women really want to go hunting and camping? I think they’re just listing some of these hoping to look more attractive to the men who do them – “fishing” with a net for something he’ll think they have in common. One reason I suspect this is that a lot of men do the same thing. It’s human nature to say what you think will sell.

The funny part about this tactic is a guy doesn’t usually want to take his wife or girlfriend hunting, anyway! He does that with his buddies, same as golfing.

Long list of parameters or criteria

Most women list all these criteria and parameters they’re looking for, a wish list of things they require in someone before they’ll even meet them. First of all, it narrows the field down to about nothing sometimes and second, if there’s no unconscious attraction there’s no relationship. What if you narrow it down to one guy, then find out he’s a jerk? Or more likely, some a** kissing wuss without a life of his own.

Choosing who you’re going to meet – and by extension, fall in love with – using a list of parameters is totally unheard of in the “real” world outside of online dating. What did we do before it became so popular? Did we have our age stamped on our foreheads? Did we wear a label that says, “I have 2 kids and one lives with me”? I think people who try to use Internet dating sites as their only or preferred way of meeting someone have lost touch with reality. Yeah, I did that for a while and it happened to me! And we become so attached to the idea of custom-ordering someone to meet, finding the perfect person before meeting him or her, we start to get jaded when it doesn’t happen that way.

Look, when a woman has a long shopping list it says very bad things about her to men. One, it says she assumes every guy is going to fall all over himself to win her (yeah, even 50-something, overweight women with no pictures do this), two, it says she really believes she can be that picky and three, it just screams “control freak” to us.
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Our culture has taught you what you "should" be attracted to in a mate and so have your past experiences - your disappointments. But "should" and "are" are two very different things. The real problem is, over the years men have listened to women talking about what you think you want and have adapted accordingly, into exactly what you DON'T want! Some guys have figured it out, that when you actually meet the man you describe as your ideal you either dump him completely or put him in the "let's just be friends" category and go looking for another one just like him!

My suggestion would be to get in touch with your instincts, read a book or two on the subject, and figure out what it is that really attracts you to a man.

Comments or questions are always welcome and appreciated.

Owen
coach@man2woman.net