Internet Dating for Women: Can It Work? Chapter 3

Here's the third installment of excerpts from Let's talk....Man to Woman:

“Love to travel”

You might like to travel and a lot of women are really looking forward to doing a lot of it. But I wouldn’t suggest saying that in a profile. Especially if it’s in a list of criteria you’re looking for in a man. I recently read one:

“You are a successful man who has the desire & means to travel.”

This was in the middle of a ridiculously long “shopping list” and to a man it smells of “gold digger” big time! What a man sees when he reads “love to travel” is:

“I want to travel and take the trips I’ve always dreamed of but can’t afford until you pay for them.”

It will eliminate about 60% of the men instantly but probably 2/3 of the women over about 45 say it. They have no idea the message they’re putting across or how self-respecting men feel about women who are after money. Do they really want a man to “buy” their attention and affection? Maybe some do, but to a man, it sounds a lot like the world’s oldest profession.

A lady pointed out to me that if a 50 year-old man wants to “buy” a trophy wife he can get a gorgeous 35 year-old. Why would he be interested in a 50-something woman who wants his money?

“Friends First”

If the shopping list screams “control freak” this one – usually used in the headline of a profile – screams it through a megaphone. Most of us know what the woman is trying to say, that she’s not going to have sex with a man right away, and to most of us that’s fine – we’ll respect that. But we’d respect it a lot more if she’d just say that! See, the problem with her announcing right up front that we have to be friends first is two-fold: First, it says that she has some pre-determined plan (or rules) laid out (a big turn-off for men) and second, a smart guy knows that once a woman puts him in the “friend” category, that’s where he’ll stay. And the smart guy will pass right on by.

Here’s one I read once: “Looking for a friend who will wine and dine me with no strings attached.” And no picture with it. Now, I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t know any men that stupid!

By the way, this tendency seems to be age-related and interestingly, geography related. Meaning it’s prevalent in some parts of the country and unheard of in others. Example: When I was active on Cupid Junction, one day they sent me 13 “matches” and 7 were in my metropolitan area. All 7 of those had an identical headline: ”Friends First!” And no picture. None of the women farther away used that line and they all had pictures.

Now, I have seen profiles that told me the woman actually believes the mushy love stories she’s seen in all those made-for-TV movies, where the nice, devoted friend who stands by her through all her problems ends up being her lover. But it doesn’t work like that in real life very often, does it? In reality, it takes you about 30 seconds to put a man into one of three categories: a friend with no romantic interest, a possible mate you’re interested in and the oh-so-rare, gotta-have-this-one!

Come up with a simple, friendly and catchy headline then in the text of the profile say you’re more comfortable with a man who’s willing to spend some time getting to know each other before getting intimate. That will get the point across without running off the guys you want to meet. Those men will respect you!
___________________________________________

Now, if you put the two mistakes here together in one profile - which thousands of women do - what it says to a man is you want him to spend a lot of money on you with no reciprocation or guarantee of any kind of close relationship. It also says that unless he has money and is willing to spend it on your whims - with no strings attached - you aren't interested in knowing him. What kind of man is THAT going to attract?

Another one that will make a lot of men - the kind of man you'd probably like to have - chuckle is the woman who says in her headline "Just looking for a friend" but then goes on to describe her "ideal" mate. Sometimes she actually has a good idea of the kind of man she really wants, too! But that will probably run him off.

As alway, comments and questions are welcome.

Owen
coach@man2woman.net