"Why Do We Ride"

That question was brought up on the Road Star Riders (motorcycle) forum recently. And it brought a lot of responses, like freedom, the rush of the power at our fingertips, wind in our faces, etc.

One guy jokingly answered, “to pick up chicks.” But truth be told, he was actually the closest to the underlying reason more and more men are taking to the road on these roaring, throbbing, powerful beasts on two wheels.

The alpha male mates with more females – in any species. And in today’s society, a culture that has strived to neuter, neutralize and feminize men – and belittle us when we don’t cooperate - we don’t have many ways left to feel and express our manhood. Or to compete for alpha status.

Thousands of years ago men bonded through hunting and fighting. The best hunter or hunt leader and the best fighter became the clear winner in the alpha competition, and thus the most desirable mate for the women. Today, we bond through activities such as sports and the competition also allows us to establish our place in the “pack”. Motorcycle riding with a group or club gives us an outlet for that male activity and competition when we’re a bit long in the tooth and/or wide in the girth for sports. As a bonus, it gives us an adrenaline rush and a feeling of strength.

One might question what competition is there when a whole bunch of guys – who seem to be comrades, not competitors – ride the same kind of bike, one that’s already one of the biggest, baddest, most macho and powerful on the road. Aftermarket. Performance enhancements, chrome for show (like the male peacock, actually) and a good looking machine all make the statement we’re trying to make. They allow us to express our individual values, too. Some like a classic, clean look, some a macho stripped-down look and some just see it in terms of practicality, with accessories to make the bike comfortable for long-distance cruising. Whatever it is, it’s a statement of the personality we’re trying to project. And we drool with envy over another man’s bike if he’s done a better job of making the statement we want to make. Competition.

A lot of women like to tease or belittle men for what they call our immature, macho competition but it’s not silly or immature. If not for the male competitive spirit, you wouldn’t be living in a nice house with heat and air conditioning, you wouldn’t be driving in that nice car and talking on that cell phone you love so much. In fact, we wouldn’t have evolved at all and you probably wouldn’t be here!

And let’s not forget that women compete constantly in an effort to appear to be the most desirable mate. All that makeup and the clothes that bring out your best and cover your worst features, those are for the purpose of attracting male attention, aren’t they? Even when you’re married you do this, ladies.

Now, as to what brings women to motorcycling in increasing numbers, I can’t answer that. Other than the things like freedom, wind in the face, being one with the elements, etc. And maybe to meet men? :-)

This is my opinion, you're welcome to disagree. And comments, as always, are welcome, too.

Owen
coach@man2woman.net

What “Should Be” Versus What “Is”

idealism n 1: (philosophy) the philosophical theory that ideas are the only reality 2: impracticality by virtue of thinking of things in their ideal form rather than as they really are 3: elevated ideals or conduct; the quality of believing that ideals should be pursued

That third definition is good, it means if we’re idealists we strive for ideals in ourselves and our own lives. Where people get into trouble is living life by the other two definitions, thereby expecting others to live by the ideals we choose for ourselves. Or, more accurately, ideals someone ELSE chose for us.

Another way idealism can cause problems is when people use them as a cop-out for not succeeding or having things go their way. For example, it says in the Bible, “the meek shall inherit the Earth.” First of all, we know that’s never going to happen (taken literally anyway) because the meek don’t DO anything. Those who lead are anything but meek; look at politics and big business. If, somehow, the meek were to take over, we’d have total chaos and the human race would fail to survive.

Another place we get loaded up with idealism is in movies and books. Good always wins out over evil, the nice guy always gets the girl and they live happily ever after. In real life, nice guys finish last and they rarely get the girl. But after reading all the novels and seeing all those movies and TV shows, we grow up thinking that IS real life. So we emulate what we’ve seen, read, heard and been told: men put every effort into being “nice guys” in hopes of getting the girl and women THINK that nice guy is the one they want.

Of course, we got a lot of help from our mothers with this brand of ideal, too. They wished it was true and in trying to make life “better” for their kids, they taught their sons to be nice guys and kiss up to women and taught their daughters to expect that and gauge a man by how generous he is and how high a pedestal he puts her on.

Happily ever after? Usually, if people give in to what they think is the way it works – the way it “should be” - they end up unhappy and divorced.

If we become obsessed with expecting things to be as we’ve been taught they should be, it will lead to disappointment, disillusionment and ultimately, anger. If other people don’t live up to our false expectations, we just blame them.

Where do we see this happening over and over? Well, how about the people who don’t do well when it comes to attracting the opposite sex? The overweight woman or 5’ tall man who says: “They shouldn’t care what I look like.”

Nice idea, but we all know the day men stop caring what a woman looks like is the day women will be attracted to 5’ tall men with zero incomes. But these people find it easier, more convenient, to blame the rest of the world than to take responsibility and decide whether they care enough to do something to MAKE themselves more attractive or would rather give up on the idea of mating.

That last example is a good illustration of the difference between what we’re told should be versus our instincts – what “is”. Human nature – our instincts – is wired into the most basic part of our brain, just like every species of animal on earth. But, unlike all the other species, we have religion and society telling us we shouldn’t be that way, we should be something else. And the more we believe it, the more unhappy we become!

And THAT is the way it IS.

Comments, as always, are welcome.

Owen
coach@man2woman.net